Hey folks,
A lot of you are probably wondering why this blog post has appeared in your inbox as it’s been a year since you signed up for my Malawi blogs. Well that’s just the thing, a lot can happen in a year and since you guys were my Christian community while I was away I thought I’d seek some advice. This time 365 days ago I was exactly where I wanted to be, I was serving God in Malawi for 3 months with a great team of girls having the time of my life and exploring life and new cultures. It was amazing. I was so strong in my faith and my relationship with God and yet was tested everyday. But I never questioned God. Not then not in the 18 years before. I never once questioned anything about God. Everything was going perfect. 
I came home and got accepted to do a Christian gap year with DNA which was what I thought God wanted me to do, to work with kids and spread his word. And maybe it is, but maybe that wasn’t the right time. Who knows. In September I felt my faith shake but thought nothing of it. Thought it as nerves for starting my DNA internship in October so brushed aside my thoughts.
2 1/2 months into a great gap year with a very supportive group of friends I had made as well as an incredible family-like church I made a decision to leave the gap year and my church. I had lost my faith, my willingness to live, my hope, my joy. I had lost myself. I couldn’t see a way back, I couldn’t see God, couldn’t hear him, couldn’t feel him. He wasn’t there, I needed him! Why wasn’t he there? I got so angry at it all that I stopped going to church for roughly 2 months and got extremely depressed and anxious about everything. If you know me at all you’ll know that anxiety was never something I had felt before, I was the opposite of anxious, but life changes. I hadn’t even opened a Bible since December. What happened to me? I lost my way, I let life take over. I let my own thoughts and wishes take over and it cost me a lot of really great friendships, it cost me my faith. It almost cost me my life.
If you have anything that you think might be of any help to me, some bible passages, podcasts, pictures. Anything really. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch. As I’m off social media for lent please either reply to this email or pop me a text if you have my number. Thanks
Love n’ blessings,
Mairi
Malawi Blogs 